Monday, October 31, 2005

Ah reckon only steers and queers come from Texas

And, well, there you have it. Posted by Picasa

Saturday, October 29, 2005

Staying In Santa Barbara Is So Pase

My friends have a tendency to leave and move on to bigger and better things. 4 of my friends have since left for Utah for various reasons, and now another friend is leaving for Oregon. I wish him the very best. Problem is, and I'm not quite sure how to put this, is that I'm really stressing over him leaving. Maybe stressing isn't the right word...let's just say I'm pretty damn sad about it and it's affecting me more than I thought it would. I think it's safe to say I've developed a thing for this person, because I don't know how else to explain why I'm just so fucking happy when in his company. About a year and a half ago, when I was dumb and stupid and what have you, I started developing a mild crush for this person and told him "I liked him." Yeah. Way to go me, bring out the high school antics with a force. His response was expected and understandable, basically, "not gonna work kid," with reasons cited at the time. So here's where I now stand: he's back from having lived in Texas for a while, he's my friend so we've been hanging out, and this seriously inconvenient infatuation hits me like a projectile sumo wrestler (they're everywhere). The first time around it was, "wow, you're terribly attractive, you're funny, and you're a nerd...can we date?" Insert a year's (plus) time, and again with the feelings, only this time it's "wow, all that other stuff I said before and on top of that, let's do stuff together every day!" Yeah. I'd creep me out too.

But it's cool. I've got a handle on this, largely thanks to Mr. Reality-with-a-bullhorn at my side. First, he's leaving in a matter of days for Oregon. Secondly, even if he wasn't, I have to honestly admit I don't think he'd be interested in starting something with me anyway (I believe he's dropped subtle hints because he's far from dumb and I think he can definitely tell what's going on). Absorbing those facts leaves me in the position of saying, fuck it, I'm making the most of what I have anyway. I've been having a total blast with him and I'm thankful for it, and I plan on enjoying as much of whatever time left there is to hang out before he leaves. I also plan on telling myself to stop being such an internal drama queen about it all. I suppose it can't be considered internal drama and thought since I've written it in this blog, but no one reads this shit anyway so WTF mate. Wait why the hell am I even writing this. If I have a "handle on things" I wouldn't be e-bitching about it would I?

...I wonder if I'm totaly or just mildly kidding myself by holding out the hope that maybe he'll make out with me someday. Wait, I think the better question is why the fuck am I thinking things like this when I know on a higher level of all the stories of friendships being fucked by someone wanting to take it further. I am going to SUE whoever is responsible for making things this complicated. I'm an American after all, it's my duty to sue.

Mirror Mask was SOOOooooo Good

I'm still surprised that Mirror Mask was being shown in Santa Barbara. When I attended the panel for the film still in production at comic-con 1.5 years's ago they had said that because of the tiny budget they had (4 million), it would probobly be released straight to DVD. Not only did it get limited release, but a fairly good limited release. Gaiman's script is fantastic, and the artwork is amazing, it's like watching a Dave McKean story book come to life. The acting was also very well done, particularly the role of Helena and Valentine. I can't wait for this to come to DVD.

It's sort of sad to see writing this good get so underfunded while pieces of trash like Doom can get a budget that would probobly make me sick to my stomach. But you know, tale as old as time I guess, or at least as old as the movie industry entered the big studio age. We'll always have crap getting money and viewers it probobly doesn't deserve when compared to other things that are actualy original and worth seeing.

Did I mention it was also really funny? Neil Gaiman writes funny lines.

Thursday, October 20, 2005

My bike was lifted

...directly off the ground, and then taken against its will. I HATE it when I become a statistic, and now I'm a UCSB-student-with-a-stolen-bike statistic. The bike was a total piece, but it was unique! It was an old mountain bike of my fathers, all chrome (rusted but still chrome) and sturdy as hell. I'm seriously bummed. Even more bummed then when I almost became a statistic of a different kind a couple of nights ago when I fell asleep at the wheel while in the fast lane. Nice boost of adrenaline when I woke up though! WOOSH!

Thursday, October 13, 2005

Interesting Development

Many of my friends whom I've had conversations with on the subject of being gay and coming out, etc, will be familiar with a part of my extended family, my Aunt and Uncle, with whom I'm not exactly thrilled to come out to. The problem is that my Aunt and Uncle are conservative Christians, and as the stereotype would have it, they don't agree at all with homosexuality. One of my brother's friends, hereafter referred to as dumb shit decided to out me to my Aunt and Uncle's family. I don't particularly care how he found out, my best guess is perhaps myspace or something similarly internet related. I'm more concerned with how his brain stopped functioning the moment he decided to tell this news to my cousin, who has sort of a reputation for being a tad homophobic. Where things get interesting is that before I learned of this I made an appointment with my Aunt at her salon (my aunts have been doing my hair since I can remember, sort of a family hook up). My cousin, also in that family and with whom I am already out and on very good terms called me to warn me that tomorrow might be awkward and that my Aunt might bring the subject up.

So here's the thing....I just REALLY don't need this shit right now. On the eve of the dance that I've been organizing since school started which has been keeping me insanely busy and stressed out enough, this added stress doesn't help. I'm supposed to be printing out pictures of Optimus Prime and other 80's pop culture stuff, and instead I'm writing this. What's worse is I asked my cousin to subtly mention to my aunt that it is a touchy subject for me and I don't want to discuss it with her, and I learn that it spiraled in to an argument about the Christian religion's acceptance of homosexuality (or lack thereof). This, all on the eve of her birthday. Great. I love my cousins, and I love my Aunt and my Uncle and admire many great things about them, which is why it's heartbreaking that this has to divide us as it is. I really wish things didn't have to be this way, but that's life I guess. I should be thankful that it's not my parents playing the role of the conservative Christians and empathize with the unfortunate gay youths who find themselves in that situation.

I didn't get to use the assigned name "dumb shit" enough. I'll just end it on this note, directed at dumb shit himself: what the fuck were you thinking man?

Saturday, October 08, 2005

Sweet dreams are made of these

Here's the final version of the flyer for the 80's dance I've been organizing, typos and all. I see typos as accepting the fact that I'm only human, and so the flyer shall continue to say "Firday." Also, I've already spent the money on the glossy print outs. I can't quite describe just how excited I am about next Friday, but I'm pretty fucking excited. A lot of the decorations came in the mail today: mini rubix cubes, metallic fringe curtains, pop rocks candy, hairband sun glasses, lot's of 80's crap basically.

Thursday, October 06, 2005


It really sucks when you fail. It's just not a good feeling, even when you didn't think it would hit you that hard. I auditioned for Naked Voices, a really good a capella group on my campus and didn't make the cut. Auditioning was sort of a step out of my comfort zone for me, and having not had the right stuff I just can't help but wonder why. Did they not like my voice? If so, was it because I have a bad voice or just not the voice they're looking for? Was I off key at all, and if so did I show that I didn't have a good enough ear to cut it in an a capella group where I'm sure ear is everything? Did I not show enough enthusiasm? The desire to know just what I did wrong kills me. Obviously I know that there are people out there much better than me, but then why am I so curious about what I did wrong. I'm almost wishing I hadn't read the email tonight, because now I'm in this terrible funk when I have some really important shit that needs doing. It's almost as bad as the timing when I came out to my mom the day before a project was due. Talk about difficulty focusing.

Wednesday, October 05, 2005

I hope this isn't a sign of things to come

It's the second week of fall quarter at UCSB and I've just had my first day of absolute nonstop work and activity, and holy God.....I'm so damn tired. Most of the day was just spent running around campus going through the red tape of getting funding for the National Coming Out Day dance that I'm organizing.

*** Insert me falling asleep at desk and waking up in my bed, then waiting until the following night to finish this ***

Yeah, so, we did pretty well on the funding front, receiving money from both the UCen programming board and the office of student life, so I'm pretty happy about that. Now I just have to see if this dance can go down without a hitch, which I'm confident that it will.

Sunday, October 02, 2005

Bang Zoom Wow Explode Bang!

I saw Serenity the other night with the ol' crew and wow, let me say, I think it exceeded the theatre's building codes for maximum ass kicking. I think the roof almost came down on top of us, but it would have been worth it! Also, now that I have both months of nagging from my friends to watch the Firefly episode as well as a really fucking cool movie, I've decided it would be best to go ahead and watch said episodes.

Even having not ever seen Firefly, the film was very enjoyable, but you could also tell where things were added for the fans. Speaking of the fans, they deserve every amount of service that the film had to offer, as it was partially their effort to bring back Firefly that probably landed the funding for this film. Being one of the "scapers" that tried so hard to get Farscape back on the air I know what that's like. Firefly was critically acclaimed but didn't make the ratings; Farscape was critically acclaimed but didn't make enough ratings to justify the gazillion dollar budget each episode had.

Also, I can't quite put my finger on an exact definition of this idea, but do you ever notice that in a movie or miniseries following a TV show, when the characters make their first appearance on screen it seems sort of forced and hokey? And the actors, they often seem a little unsure of how to act their role, and then later sort of settle in. It happened in the X-Files movie when we first see Mulder and Scully, Mulder giving some fucking HUGE diatribe of Mulder-speak, myself feeling like I was hit over the head with a baseball bat labeled "This if Fox Mulder, from the TV show!" It happened in the Farscape mini series Peacekeeper Wars when beloved character after not-so-beloved character kept busting out on the screen like some sci-fi chorus line. In Serenity, when each character appeared on screen after the introductory scene (which was very very cool BTW. Think "layers"), it was almost as if a narrator was screaming in my ear "Heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeere's BELOVED CHARACTER #3!"

But again, my observation aside, very cool flick. I might see it again.