Staying In Santa Barbara Is So Pase
But it's cool. I've got a handle on this, largely thanks to Mr. Reality-with-a-bullhorn at my side. First, he's leaving in a matter of days for Oregon. Secondly, even if he wasn't, I have to honestly admit I don't think he'd be interested in starting something with me anyway (I believe he's dropped subtle hints because he's far from dumb and I think he can definitely tell what's going on). Absorbing those facts leaves me in the position of saying, fuck it, I'm making the most of what I have anyway. I've been having a total blast with him and I'm thankful for it, and I plan on enjoying as much of whatever time left there is to hang out before he leaves. I also plan on telling myself to stop being such an internal drama queen about it all. I suppose it can't be considered internal drama and thought since I've written it in this blog, but no one reads this shit anyway so WTF mate. Wait why the hell am I even writing this. If I have a "handle on things" I wouldn't be e-bitching about it would I?
...I wonder if I'm totaly or just mildly kidding myself by holding out the hope that maybe he'll make out with me someday. Wait, I think the better question is why the fuck am I thinking things like this when I know on a higher level of all the stories of friendships being fucked by someone wanting to take it further. I am going to SUE whoever is responsible for making things this complicated. I'm an American after all, it's my duty to sue.