Saturday, September 24, 2005

This Season's Hottest Item

It's late, but I need to write this before the bitterness fades from my mind like an emotion that begs to die while I force feed it atropine. I'm driving home from Mike's house after his generous and delicious dinner of Penne all'Arrabbiata; note to Mike: delicious, and thank you. Well, actually I was driving home from my parents where I stopped to get sunblock since I'm scheduled to work outdoors all day tomorrow at the book festival and it will be sunny; note to Sun: fuck you. I answer my buzzing cell phone to hear my roommate tell me that we need a plunger, and that there's a problem involving water stuck in a toilet. I tell him that I'll be happy to stop by a drug store and get a plunger, and thus begins our adventure.

I first stop by a Longs Drugs on 5 Points shopping center. They're remodeling, shit is everywhere, but I spend about 15 minutes trying to find a plunger before I ask for help. Their response: "Sorry, we're out of plungers. In fact we just sold the last one about 20 minutes ago." A strange coincidence. I drive to the second Longs Drugs, this one much cleaner and without the threat of stray nails from a gun. Clean it may have been, but plunger-full it was not. I ask; they respond, without a moment's pause mind you, the knowledge no doubt secure from having been asked about plungers at least 50 times that evening, "sorry, we're out of plungers." Strange coincidence becomes ironic fate. I make my last stop at Ralphs and ask as I'm walking in if they carry plungers; response: "Plungers? Ouch. Well, if we have them in stock they'll be on isle 3." I couldn't even contain myself at that point, laughing all the way to isle 3 over the tragedy foreshadowed by the response I was given. I won't say whether or not Ralphs had the plunger, but I will give a hint: tomorrow I go to Home Depot.

So as it stands the toilet is off limits until further notice. Personally...I just don't understand. This is a plunger. It's not Tickle Me Elmo, it's not the Ark of the covenant, It's a hollow hemisphere of cheap rubber attached to a fucking stick. The whole drive around town was made all the more surreal as various parts of the landscape seemed strangely odd and dreamlike, and it probably didn't help that I was listening to The Crow on my @Home @Sunrise album. Driving around town after midnight, searching for a plunger, listening to funky chillout music and calling up long term memory of dreams from yester-decade. Yeah. No more chocolate after 11 for me.


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